Love shouldn't hurt...but too often it does.

by Tom Campbell, Producer and Moderator of NC SPIN, October 29, 2018.

Last year in North Carolina there were 79 deaths recorded and from domestic violence and in the 12 month period ending July 1 of this year there were 112,000 incidents recorded. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and before the month ends we need to speak out about all violence, but most especially about domestic violence.

Traditionally we think of domestic abuse being a physical act and more generally against women, but violence is also directed toward men. It would be helpful to list the symptoms of abuse.

1. Humiliation
2. Verbal insults
3. Physical violence
4. Controlling behaviors
5. Unpredictable mood swings
6. Picking at faults
7. Alienating family and friends
8. Placing blame
9. Manipulation

One in three women report abuse and a surprising one in four men say they have been victims.

Quite often it begins innocently enough, with one isolated incident. But too often there is a second and subsequent occasions of abusive behavior. These incidents, unchecked, become more frequent and increasingly more hurtful. Victims sometimes blame themselves or excuse the behavior, feeling themselves deserving of the abuse or rationalizing that it seldom occurs.

A second occurrence of abusive behavior is the time to act, because it is likely to continue and at a more frequent rate. Sometimes a family member or friend recognizes what the victim fails to see and needs to practice the "if you see something, say something," The fastest and most recommended action is for the victim to call out the behavior and tell the offending party their actions are not acceptable and cannot be continued. Those subject to abusive behavior are not powerless.

There is help available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233). The North Carolina Attorney General's office offers help.

Here's the bottom line. Love shouldn't hurt.