The move should go far in comforting the millions of MAGAs who heard Trump admit last month he couldn’t actually make grocery store prices go down despite repeated campaign promises to that effect.
“Just knowing I never have to say the words Gulf of Mexico again in my lifetime makes me fine with paying more for eggs,” said one proud MAGA voter.
Trump’s handlers then circulated a list of other name changes he’s considering to help eliminate the “scourge of Mexico” that exists inside our own borders.
By executive order, Trump hopes to…
Rename the state of New Mexico “Trumplandia”
Rename Chipotle Mexican Grill “Shoney’s”
Rename the popular drink Margarita “Mar-a-lago-rita”
Rename Mexican actress Salma Hayek “Brown Ivanka”
Rename the intestinal distress frequently dubbed “Montezuma’s Revenge” to simply “Eric”
Rename the popular Mexican condiment guacamole “lumpy green stuff that costs too much.” (still workshopping that one)
Additionally, Trump plans to outlaw any traditional Mexican dances in America, appointing “the guy who played the preacher in Footloose to be in charge of that. He’s a very fine person; people have told me.”
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