I Came to Duke With an Empty Wallet
Published November 18, 2013
by KellyNoel Waldorf, The Chronicle, reprinted in Huffington Post, November 14, 2013.
In my four years at Duke, I have tried to write this article many times. But I was afraid. I was afraid to reveal an integral part of myself. I'm poor.
Why is it not OK for me to talk about such an important part of my identity on Duke's campus? Why is the word "poor" associated with words like lazy, unmotivated and uneducated? I am none of those things.
When was the first time I felt uncomfortable at Duke because of money? My second day of o-week. My FAC group wanted to meet at Mad Hatter's Bakery; I went with them and said that I had already eaten on campus because I didn't have cash to spend. Since then, I have continued to notice the presence of overt and subtle class issues and classism on campus. I couldn't find a place for my "poor identity." While writing my resume, I put McDonald's under work experience. A friend leaned over and said, "Do you think it's a good idea to put that on your resume?" In their eyes, it was better to list no work experience than to list this "lowly" position. I did not understand these mentalities and perceptions of my peers. Yet no one was talking about this discrepancy, this apparent class stratification that I was seeing all around me.
People associate many things with their identity: I'm a woman, I'm queer, I'm a poet. One of the most defining aspects of my identity is being poor. The amount of money (or lack thereof) in my bank account defines almost every decision I make, in a way that being a woman or being queer never has and never will. Not that these are not important as well, just that in my personal experience, they have been less defining. Money influenced the way I grew up and my family dynamics. It continues to influence the schools I choose to go to, the food I eat, the items I buy and the things I say and do.
I live in a reality where:
Sometimes I lie that I am busy when actually I just don't have the money to eat out.
I don't get to see my dad anymore because he moved several states away to try and find a better job to make ends meet.
I avoid going to Student Health because Duke insurance won't do much if there is actually anything wrong with me.
Coming out as queer took a weekend and a few phone calls, but coming out as poor is still a daily challenge.
Getting my wisdom teeth removed at $400 per tooth is more of a funny joke than a possible reality.
I have been nearly 100 percent economically independent from my family since I left for college.
Textbook costs are impossible. Praise Perkins Library where all the books are free.
My mother has called me crying, telling me she doesn't have the gas money to pick me up for Thanksgiving.
My humorously cynical, self-deprecating jokes about being homeless after graduation are mostly funny but also kind of a little bit true.
I am scared that the more I increase my "social mobility," the further I will separate myself from my family.
Finances are always in the back (if not the forefront) of my mind, and I am always counting and re-counting to determine how I can manage my budget to pay for bills and living expenses.
This article is not meant to be a complaint about my life. This is not a sob story. There are good and bad things in my life, and we all face challenges. But it should be OK for me to talk about this aspect of my identity. Why has our culture made me so afraid or ashamed or embarrassed that I felt like I couldn't tell my best friends "Hey, I just can't afford to go out tonight"? I have always been afraid to discuss this with people, because they always seem to react with judgment or pity, and I want absolutely nothing to do with either of those. Sharing these realities could open a door to support, encouragement or simply openness.
Because I also live in a reality where:
I am proud of a job well done.
I feel a great sense of accomplishment when I get each paycheck.
I feel a bond of solidarity with those who are well acquainted with the food group "ramen."
I would never trade my happy family memories for a stable bank account.
I would never trade my perspective or work ethic or appreciation of life for money.
Most times it certainly would be nice to have more financial stability, but I love the person I have become for the background I have had.
It is time to start acknowledging class at Duke. Duke is great because of its amazing financial aid packages. My ability to go here is truly incredible. Duke is not great because so many of the students fundamentally do not understand the necessity for a discussion of class identity and classism. Duke needs to look past its blind spot and start discussing class stratification on campus to create a more welcoming environment for poor students.
If you have ever felt like this important piece of your identity was not welcome at Duke, know that you are not the only one. I want you to know that "poor" is not a dirty word. It is OK to talk about your experiences and your identity in relation to socioeconomic status. It is OK to tell the truth and be yourself. Stop worrying whether it will make other people feel uncomfortable. People can learn a lot about themselves from the things that make them uncomfortable. I want to say to you that no matter what socioeconomic status you come from, your experiences are worthy.
And because no one in four years has said it yet to me: It's okay to be poor and go to Duke.
KellyNoel Waldorf is a Duke University senior pursuing a double major in linguistics and international comparative studies.
November 18, 2013 at 7:51 am
TP Wohlford says:
"... pursuing a double major in linguistics and international comparative studies."
Which will leave you poor after you graduate if you don't have some viable job skills somewhere. Hopefully, she's met people at Duke that can help her get a good first job -- and isn't that the REAL reason why "top college" grads make more money?
November 18, 2013 at 1:57 pm
Robin Livingston says:
That stuff doesn't just happen at Duke. I felt that way when friends would go out to clubs, shopping or out to eat when I had no money. I went to a public university on full academic scholarship, but, I still had to pay room and board and expenses, so I still had to work. It's just life. I think the best thing about it is she's grounded and grateful. I wish we could all just learn to be who we are and not allow ourselves to be labeled. I'm sure there are many students at Duke who don't have trust funds. Many of them will graduate with a ton of debt. Hopefully, more of them will just work through it and get a great education.
November 18, 2013 at 2:04 pm
Joe Nico says:
It is a sad commentary on the youth of today when the writer is proud to be "queer" but ashamed to be poor. Talk about society going to hell in a handbasket!
November 18, 2013 at 7:09 pm
Sue Mutter says:
Thank you, Ms. Waldorf, for helping to open the sleepy eyes of so many. No doubt you will have touched countless hearts with your poignant message. You are already rich in what matters most, wisdom and compassion. Your bright and lovely spirit is a beacon in this world :) TY.
November 18, 2013 at 10:44 pm
Norm Kelly says:
Being poor does not automatically mean lazy, or unmotivated. I find it hard to believe that the author is more comfortable talking about her gay status than she is about being poor. This says a lot about both the author and our society now.
Being poor is very much a state of mind. The author says she would never trade her family life & other happy parts of her life for money. But this is not always required. It is possible to be happy AND have money. Obviously the author and her family have put food on the table, shown their daughter how to be productive in life, and realize what's important, like being financially independent as much as possible, and being proud of it. Knowing that working for a living is NOT a bad thing. Better to put McDs on a resume than to list unemployment because it shows that she was willing to take care of herself, even if it meant taking a job that some other snob considers 'lowly'.
I've worked at Burger King. Because I had a family to provide for. It was work, and it paid, and it was much better than taking a handout from the government. Since I knew then and know now that the government doesn't have any of it's own money, the money they give to unemployed people comes from the back pocket or purse of someone else who is working & trying to support their family.
Stop concentrating on being poor. Start concentrating on the values that your family taught you. Start concentrating on the intelligence that God gave you & your family helped develop. Start concentrating on your abilities and your work ethic, which appear to be better than some of the people you associate with. Stop concentrating so hard on you 'queerness' and start concentrating on your assets. Being queer won't help you get a job or complete your education. Or at least it should have no bearing on either. Intelligent people, who also have a good solid upbringing, won't care about your personal sex life as much as they care about your desire to do a good job, to better yourself, to work well with others.
Thank your parents for the way they raised you. And continue to move forward of/by your own strong will.